I had been trying to keep up, but I have been busy volunteering everyday this week and not in the mood over the weekend. 

 

This weekend we took the kids to Clemyjontri with Z's friend Sofia.  They all had a fun time, that is until Zachary fell and skinned his face and got a cut on his bottom.  He and Sofia were racing on the balance beems.  They tied the first time and then Sofia won with 7 seconds and Zachary, 8.  They continued playing while I went to the car to get their water (Law was with Maddy on the other side of the park).  As I am walking back from the van, I hear a loud cry.  I recognized that cry.  It was Zach.  I about started to run, but saw Law was near him and was taking care of it.  I get there and he wants mom to hug and comfort him - poor kid.  His eye was bruised with a sore on the top and bottom.  He could barely walk and he was shaken up a bit, but he didn't want to leave - they were having such a good time.  They all sat to eat some grapes and he was hoping he would feel better, after, but then the bees start flying all around us.    I tried to be brave and what it did more than anything is ANNOY me!  And of course Zachary is terrified every time one gets near him.  ARG!  He was no longer having a good time, so we decided to head back and take them to lunch.  I was fun in the beginning and Maddy had a blast on the tire swing - her favorite.

 

I have been working on PTA stuff.  Creating and getting spreadsheats organized, trying to get volunteers lined up for events and trying to figure out what I need to do.  There is so much, but it has been nice having something to focus on.  Our fundraiser kicks off on Monday and I had to get the brochures ready for that, too.  I cleaned out the PTA closet at the school while I was at it - disaster!!!  Tuesday and today, Wedneday, I helped the reading teacher with some paper books. I called Daniela and asked if she'd like to hlep so she came by today and we both worked on them together.  I will be back tomorrow to help in Maddy classroom and to laminate some stuff for someone else.  I just wish I would get PAID to help this year.  I leave once Maddy is done, so I only spend mornings there.  Like I said, I enjoy it and it is helping the teachers. 

 

Monday Zachary was supposed to go to TKD.  He asked if he could skip because his leg was still very sore, but I made a stink about it and told him he can't be missing.  He missed once last week because he fell of his scooter and his legs and shoulder was sore.  Plus, when Law found out, he seemed upset that I allowed him to skip.  So this time I made him change and told him why it is improtant for him to go blah, blah, blah.  I actually would have let him skip because he could barely walk up the stairs, or at all, as he had been limping all day, but I didn't want to hear it from Law, so that was my main reason for taking him.  Well, on the way there, he fell alseep.  I called Law and ran it by him.  He said he wouldn't press the issue and just to take him home.   I was glad we were on the same page because I really started to feel bad for my boy.  I was going to talk with his Master and tell him what happened and that he may not be able to fully participate, but what is the point of going, at all, really?!  He seems much better today and he WILL be going to class.  And he likes the class so it is not like he is trying to get out of it just to get out of it. 

 

I guess that is all for now.

Maddy did much better today.  I drove her to school, got down and walked her to her class line.  She was all smiles, we kissed, huged and said goodbye.  I picked her up after and, again, all smiles.  She was excited to share her morning with me.  Her favorite part?  Being able to go outside and play with her friend, Sofia.  They are in different classes, but both classes were outside together for a bit after snack time.  She said she made a friend in her class, but she can't remember her name. 

 

 

We got home she had lunch and we did her reading homework together.  She was not happy about having to read, but she pulled through.  They are sent home a monthly log and a seperate log where she colors in a shape for each day she completdx her reading.  They are to turn this in, completed, and then they will get a prize/sticker.  It all new to her, homework, but I know, eventually, she won't fight me on having to do it.  It will just be part of her routine. 

 

Zachary didn't want to be driven to school so he asked if he could go to the stop alone.  I said, "NO WAY!"  Thankfully, Law understood his need of wanting to be with his friends and went to the bus stop with him.    I think this is how it will work every morning as long as Law doesn't have to be to work early, which almost never happens.  I think sooner rather than later, Maddy will want to join her brother, anyway. 

 

Below is Maddy making silly faces and posing for the camera this morning before school.  This is one of her favorite shirts it says, "I like CHOCOLATE, how about you?"

 

 

This morning things went off pretty smoothly - well, a little attitude from my Mr. Man Zachary, but quickly put him in check!  I walked the kids to the bus stop and Maddy seemed OK  on the walk over, but as soon as she had to line up, she got really quiet and I could tell she was apprehensive about the situation.  The little girl (first grader) from our street wanted to talk with her, but Maddy was not interested.  She smiled at one point and looked at her, but I could tell she was not really listening.  I asked the little girl if Maddy could sit by her and she said yes (she likes Maddy and they have had several playdates), but Maddy did not want to, she wanted to be with her big brother, her protector.  Daddy stopped and talked to her for a few minutes.  She smiled and waved goodbye, happily.   Once he was on his way, Maddy just started to stare at the ground.  The bus finally arrived and she was not fully ready.  Zach went ahead of her so he could pick the seat for them.  I told him that he had two jobs: 1) sit by her on the bus and 2) walk with her into the school and help her find her teacher.  She tells me he did what I asked.   I actually didn't think he sat by her. I saw him sit down but I didn't see her.  The windows are tinted so you can barely see who is who.  I then see someone sit next to him and I couldn't tell if it was her.  I was a little worried that maybe he left her and she sat alone.  Come to find out that the little girl had stopped her as she was walking and wanted her to sit with her, but Maddy tells me she told her she wanted to sit by her brother. PHEW! I guess it would have been harmless for her to sit next to S since I did ask earlier, but I just didn't know what was going on and that was stressing me out!!!  I wanted to get on the bus and check out what was going on, but I refrained from doing so and just trusted that everything would go well. 

 

So the morning goes by, very slowly, and it is time to meet her at the bus stop.  I wait and wait and wait...It was taking a long time.  Then, my phone rings.  It is the school, her teacher.  She tells me that Maddy is in tears and sobbing because she said she is not supposed to be on the bus without her brother.  Her teacher asked if there was a mix up and if she was supposed to be on the bus. I told them she was to ride the bus; however if she was refusing, I would be there in 5 minutes. They said they will explain to her that she is to ride with Zachary TO school and that after, mommy will be at the stop to meet her after. I told them if she continues to have a hard time with it, I will go get her, but I never got another call. It broke my heart and I wanted to fly there, but I trust and know the bus driver, so I knew she was in good hands. As soon as she saw me, she broke down and ran into my arms. It was so hard to see her like that. I think I may have to pick her up for a while. She said she will let me know how she feels about it later.  Poor my Maddy Cakes!  Other than that, she seemed to have a good day.

 

 

Maddy's day ended at 10:50; the last hour was the longest hour - EVER!  I got to school a little early, but I was excited to hear about her first day.

 

I saw her coming down the hall with her class and she was all smiles, so that made me feel good.  I knew she would enjoy it.   She said they talked about the classroom rules and the red, yellow, green light ssytem.  Said at the end of the week, if she is good, she will get to dip into the teasure box.  She said they rotated centers, and did more work than play - that is a good thing in my eyes - but she said she had a good time.  She is looking forward to tomorrow.  She said she asked some of the kids their names, but they didn't talk much.  She concluded, "They must be shy, like I sometimes am."  I told her she would get to know them all each day and she will remember their names and make plenty of friends.  Her only concern is that she likes to be called Maddy and of course, they call her Madelyn.  I sent her teacher an email so we'll see how that goes.  She had lunch and then she and I made cookies.  She has been asking to bake cookies for about a week and I thought today would be the perfect day.  We had some messy fun together. :)  

 

Before school starts they ask how your child will be getting to and from school daily and on the first day of school.  I said I would drop them off and pick them up today, but then it is bus for the both of them.  I wasn't thinking and signed Zach as a parent pick-up today because that is how I planned to get Maddy, but silly me could've had him ride home today because Maddy is picked up mid-day. I had to make the trip down there when he really wanted to ride the bus home.  DUH!  Oh well.

 

He seemed to have a good day.  He said he doesn't want to talk about it.  He ALWAYS says that, so I will give him time and before I know it, he will be telling me all about it.  That is how he is and I understand and just go with it.  

 

 

And they are off ... Today we drove the kids to school; tomorrow they will begin to ride the bus.  They were both super excited.  Zachary was up before I got home from the gym.  He said he woke up at 3am, went back to sleep and woke up just before 5am.  Maddy woke up at around 6am.  I came downstairs after showering and they were both sitting on the couch, dressed (shoes and all) and ready for the day.  We all had breakfast, I got everything ready and we were out the door on this rainy morning.

 

Law came along to send her off on her first day.  She was happily posing for pictures, but I could see a little fear in her eyes.  I took pictures, but once I was done she held my hand, tightly.  We took her to her teacher and showed her where to line up and Law kissed her and said his goodbyes; I stayed for a while longer.  She was standing there taking it all in, just watching as each child took their place behind her.  I didn't want to stay next to her till the very end because I think she needed to be alone and take it all in w/o me and I didn't want to get emotional.  I gave her kisses and hugs and she she blew me extra kisses as I said goodbye and told her to have a good day. I went and got my volunteer sticker and found a spot where she could not see me, but still watched as she just stood there.  I stayed strong and just watched and all I could think about is how big and brave she is; I knew she was ready and it was time to let her go.  When I was done helping out, I got in the car and this is the email I received from a friend and this brought me to tears:

 

First Day Of Kindergarten School Poem

~Author Unknown~

She started school this morning,
And she seemed so very small.
As I walked there beside her
In the Kindergarten hall.

And as she took her place beside
the others in the class,
I realized how all too soon
Those first few years can pass.

Remembering, I saw her as
She first learned how to walk.
The words that we alone made out
When she began to talk.

This little girl so much absorbed
In learning how to write.
It seems as though she must have grown
To girlhood overnight.

My eyes were blurred, hastily
I brushed the tears away
Lest by some word or sign of mine
I mar her first big day.

Oh how I longed to stay with her
And keep her by the hand
To lead her through the places
That she couldn't understand.

And something closely kin to fear
Was mingled with my pride.
I knew she would no longer be
A baby by my side.

But she must have her chance to live,
To work her problems out,
The privilege to grow and learn
What life is all about.

And I must share my little girl
With friends and work and play;
She's not a baby anymore --
She's in Kindergarten today.

 

This is it; she is a big girl now and now all I can do is continue to teach her, love her, guide her and nurture her all while giving her the independence she will need to succeed in life, just as I have done with her brother.   Mommy will be OK once I see that her first day was a success, as I am sure it was. 

 

Zachary was easy.  He kissed us both and waved goodbye as he turned down the third grade hallway.  He is a big boy now and needs no help from us.  I am happy with that, but sad at the same time.

 

I posted pictures, so be sure to take a look. 

Yes, you read that right...T.H.I.R.D G.R.A.D.E!!!  I still can't believe it sometimes.  He is getting so big.  Last night when I went into his classroom is was so "grown up".  No blocks, no primary colors - all business, desks, books, boards, computers.  It is how it should be, I know, but makes me sad because he is growing up. 

 

Everything went well.  He met his teacher, saw some of the kids in his class, but pretty much that was it.  We were there for about 15 minutes - in and out.  He wasn't very excited about starting school, but after today, I think he is pumped.  Don't know much about his teacher (not sure I mentioned that) but she seems really nice.  Some kids told him she is mean.  I told him that teachers have to discipline students when they are not following rules and that maybe they weren't following the rules.  Told him as long as he works hard, listens and follows "Lawson's Laws" he should be fine. 

 

Time to start dinner; they will be returning from TKD in a few.  Have a great weekend!

We just got back from kindergarten orientation.  Maddy went to ride the bus with he assistant princ. while the parents were schooled on being a SES parent (Maddy enjoyed the ride with the other students).  Law went with, but he had to leave early because it was taking too long.  People were not on time and then everything had to be translated into spanish.  I understand them having to translate, but it took forever.  Law was not able to visit the classroom which is what he was most looking forward to.  We pretty much knew everything else, because we are not first time kindergarten parents at SES. 

 

Once we were done we headed to the classroom where the kids were waiting for us.  They were shown the morning routine, got their word wall word letters ready, sat on the carpet, read a book, danced and sang (or at least they tried to get them to do it) and then decorated a bag which was to hold some goodies: pencil, eraser, bookmark, color books.  She looked terrified the entire time.  She had her "Maddy nervous face" on: scrunched forehead and wrinkled nose.  Once we left, she was a little chatter box. 

 

Her reaction was expected, so no worries.  This is not her first time at school, so she will be fine; I am not worried on little bit!  Plus, all the parents were crowded around, watching, so I am sure that just made things worse for her and other kids.  Most of them looked terrified.  Only one was in tears. 

 

Later we have to return for Zach's round.  I'm out!

Yesterday Zach had Taekwondo.  This week is board week  This mean the kids get the chance to break boards.  On Monday Zach was not able to do that because it was his first group class and they wanted to make sure he knew some moves before attempting to break them. A the end of class on Monday Master Nick said he would be able to purchase boards and try it.  He was looking forward to it, so yesterday we bought the boards and he was ready.  They did their warm up exercises and learned some knew techniques and then it was time.  Each kids was instructed to get their boards and they were called one by one.  Zach did hammer fist and palm strike.  The hammer fist took a couple attmepts, but he finally did it and he was very proud, as was his mama.    I think taekwondo will be good for him; he really likes it. 

 

Tonight is back-to-school night.  I have to get there early to set up the PTA table.  It is not too much work and if it were, I wouldn't mind.  I enjoy helping out.  I am looking forward to the new school year.  I'll post pictures of the kids on their first day.  I will be taking the kids on their first day, but after that, they will be riding the bus.  I would take them, but Law thinks Maddy should learn to ride the bus and I agree, because I may not always be home to pick her up.  Zach wants to ride the bus.  He is disappointed that I won't be working there, but happy because this means he gets to ride the bus with all his friends. 

 

Other than that, nothing much going on.  Weather has been nice.  I am looking forward to fall.  I can't wait for all the festivals to start!

Just got home from a 2 hour PTA meeting.  Boy is there a lot to do!  I didn't think it would be a walk in the park, but holy crap!  Plus, I feel like I need to do more, but I have no ideas.  Actually, I do have ideas, but I don't always voice them. I will, eventually, when absolutely necessary, but for now, I am taking it all in and just going with the flow.  Things will get done and I will help.  I just don't want to be too much, you know? 

 

The thing I am least looking forward to is having to speak in front of everyone at meetings.  That is definitley NOT my thing.  I get nervous and forget things or get off topic.  Guess if I write things down that would make it easier.  We have the fall fundraiser coming up with an kick-off assembly at which I think I am going to have speak at.  Not looking forward to that.  Have to pump up the audience, make it fun and engage them.  Yea, not my thing.  Well, not in front of all those teachers, anyway.  ARG!  Who the hell signed me up for this???! Oh, right, I was the one who signed on the dotted line.  Dumb, dumb, dumb!!!  Well, it has only just begun and this is all new, so maybe it will get better and once I learn the ins and outs, I will feel more at ease and I will actually enjoy it...maybe!

.

Let me start by giving a history here.  Law and his uncle had always been really close; he was practically his son.   Law looked up to him and he really loves his uncle. When we started dating we spent a lot of time with his uncle's family (now ex-wife, Gigi, daughter, Bernadette and son, Tony) and that continued up until we moved out here to VA. 

 

I grew to love this family (excluding the ex-wife; I can't stand here, actually, no one really can!).  I would say we spent almost every weekend with them.  It was more difficult once we had kids and when Bernie and Tony got older, but we managed to make time for each other.  We vacationed in Vegas with his uncle, rented a cabin in Red River, just to name a couple things we did together.  Even my family loves them.  They spent Christmas with my family one year and we always invited them to various activities we had as a family. 

 

When we had Maddy, I couldn't think of two other people that I wanted to be her Godparents other than Bernie and Tony. I briefly thought of asking my sister and her husband, Zachary's Godparents, because I thought it best for them to have the same ones, but Law and I really wanted to give his cousins the honor and that is what we did.  They were thrilled to be asked and I could see the love they had for her, for both our kids, actually.  Maddy was the first baby Tony ever held and I remember him being so uncomfortable, but he loved her and that is a special moment I will never forget. 

 

We moved away and they were sad, as were we, that we would no longer see or talk as often.  His uncle was proud of Law and knew this is what he wanted and had to do, so he supported us, as did all his family.  They kept in touch, some.  I talked to Bernie a little, but that slowly faded away.  I talked with Tony the most, as he was having problems with his wife (GF at the time) and I was there to be his ear and I gave him lots of advice.  We actually grew a lot closer until he married.  They came to visit us at one point, sans Tony and it was a blast hanging out with them, again. 

 

Whenever we went to visit, we always made time for them - always!  In fact, they were the few that I would NOT miss visiting with.  They mean so much to me and to Law.  These are his cousins.  Cousins he loves and an uncle he adores.  He may not show it, but they know him, he has been this way his entire life.  His uncle is the same way with showing emotion; they understood each other, or so I thought.

 

Fast forward to this summer.  At some point while we were there, we went to his uncle's house for a visit; he wasn't there.  Law called and left a message and he also sent him a text to which we never got a response.  I sent a text to Bernie and set up a time to go see her.  I then sent Tony a text asking if he was busy and when are we going to see him and Yvette (his wife).  He responds telling me that he is busy helping his friend move.  I respond with a smart ass comment, because that is who I am.  Something like, it is always something.  Is that just another excuse.  I said that because last year we didn't see him, at all.  He was busy moving and doing other things.  I understand; he is young.  He has a new life with his wife and sometimes we just don't have time to do everything we want to do.  Law tells me, jokingly, you should tell him, "It's OK if you don't want to see your Goddaughter."  I sent it and ended it with, "She doesn't really know she has Godparents, anyway."  IT WAS A FREAKING JOKE!!!!  We used to joke ALL THE TIME like that.  It was absolutely harmless.  It is not like we make an effort, either, when we are not in ABQ.  But, seriously, it was a joke.  I expected him to come back with something like, it's not my fault you moved away or it's not like you send pictures or anything...something!  Instead, we get nothing.  Crickets!!!  I am thinking that he is busy because he just told me he was helping a friend so he can't respond.  Later I talk with Bernie and she tells me that Law needs to stop being mean to her brother and that they love Maddy.  I'm thinking, "WHAT?!"  We go back and forth about what happened and I told her we were joking but apparently, Tony didn't find it to be very funny.  And of course, word got back to his uncle and now his uncle is upset, too!  Oh boy!!!  I asked Bernie if his uncle is upset over this or something else, because even before this incident, he stopped returning emails (as Law had just told me).  She said she thinks it has something to do with something else, but this has just made the situation worse.  

 

I just couldn't believe this.  I was devastated.  I was in tears!  I felt so guilty for sending that message.  I wanted to come home!  Yes, he said it and we were joking, but maybe I shouldn't have sent it.  I didn't realize he would take it to heart and it would cause this riff in their relationship; it was all my fault!!  I just couldn't believe that after all the history they, we all have shared, that they would think we were serious and that we were trying to be malicious towards them!!  Quite honestly, if I really felt this way, I wouldn't have said a word.    I am not a person who likes to hurt others. I really don't.  And, I love these people.  I love them with all my heart and I miss them, terribly.  

 

Law tells me that the reason Tony got upset might be because he feels guilty that he hasn't kept in touch with how Maddy is doing.  IDK, maybe, but I think it is a silly reason to just cut us of like that.  It still hurts and I wish we could go back and change things. It hurts Law, too.  I asked him why he doesn't try to contact them and apologize, himself, but he said he is not ready (we sent an apology via text to Tony, from both of us, but it came from my phone and I guess that was not good enough.  They would like Law to call or send it himself).  Part of him feels like he did nothing wrong and he has no idea why his uncle is upset.  The other part of him is really upset that his uncle is treating him this way.  He doesn't like to show his vulnerabilities, so it may take a while. I just hope he doesn't wait too long because this may never be repaired.

I am told that once we left his uncle told Law's grandma that Law never called him.  WHAT?!  Not only did he call and leave a message (I know this for a fact, I was sitting right next to him), we stopped by, sent text messages and Law sent emails before heading out there.  I don't understand...


I continue to talk with Berni through FB, daily,  and we did see her while we were there.  We both, Bernie and I, want these boys to make up and make things right, again. 

 

 

 

 

 

I found that blog entry in here from about two years ago.  Funny because that is exactly what I want to be doing and I LOVE being in a classroom full of children!  I have more patience than I thought. 

Today I am feeling a little better.  It is the first day that I haven't cried...yet!  I am trying to focus on the benefits of us living out here.  For years I have convinced myself that living out here is best for us and in some ways I do feel that way, but there is that other part of me that feels like we'd be better off in ABQ.  But, it doesn't matter because Law has no desire to move back-EVER!  And, his job is here.  Our life is here.  The kids have their friends here.  I have my friends here.  He would probably move for me, but I wouldn't expect him to.  We both have to be on the same page or it doesn't happen.  I am, for the most part, happy here.  He won't be happy in ABQ.  And if he is not happy, I won't be happy. The kids would adjust; they are young, but initially, it would be hard on them. 

 

 I have to remember why I agreed to move out here in the first place - because of them, the kids (and for Law and his career).  We wanted them to have the chance at a better education.  We thought being surrounded by cultural diversity would enrich their lives.  There are so many reasons to love it out here, but there are some key things missing mainly family.  I hate when we we have to come home knowing it will be another year before we see them again.  I hate that my parents are getting older and I am missing this time in their lives as are they with my children and me.  I like to think that if we could visit more often I would feel differently, but I can't be sure.  It is nice for family to come out here, but it is not the same as us going out there.  They are a piece of home, but they are not home.  Plus, I don't get to see everyone.  I miss all of them.  OK.  Broke that streak...I am now crying.

 

I don't like to talk about this ever, but I do feel like this sometimes.  I don't like people to worry about me or feel sorry for me or try to help "fix" me.  I don't want my family to know how I feel because I don't want them to resent Law.  I mean, I DO like it out here, I really do and it was not only his decision to move out here.  I don't want them to give me their thoughts on why I should move there.   I don't want the pity party.  I haven't really said on here what it is that was getting me down because I know people back home read this, but I have to get through this and writing it down is helping me deal.  I am probably repeating myself, but I don't care.  I am working through it in my head and this is the way I operate - going over and over it, again and again. 

 

I guess throughout the year I am OK.  It is mostly after a visit that I feel this way.  Ahh...I just need time. 

The kids have been in VBS (vacation bible school) this week for three hours a day.  They tried it last year and absolutely loved it!  Maddy, especially, asked often when it was coming up.  They have been enjoying making new friends and learing about the bible.  Today is their last day and they are going to sing the songs they learned for the parents.  I am looking forward to hearing their beautiful voices. 

 

I don't think I mentioned, but for my grandma's rosary, I read the eulogy.  The night that I heard of her passing and I was searching for cheap flights, I started to jot some things down.  I wasn't sure how my family would feel and I kept it with me for a couple days without sharing it with anyone.  I asked my parents who was going to do the eulogy and my mom said she was.  I didn't think my mom would be able to read it, so asked her if she wanted me to read it for her.  She said she hadn't even worked on one because she was so sad and couldn't come up with anything without crying.  I told her I had written something, but it was from grandaughter to grandmother, but I could help her change it to so it could come from her.  I read it to her and my dad, and they thought it was touching and appropriate, so my dad asked that I read exactly what I had because her grandchildren were her life.  I was nervous, but I love my grandma and I had to tell everyone what a special person she was.  It was hard to get started, but she gave me strength and I made it through without breaking down.  I could have written and said so much more, but I had to cut it down to only a few minutes, but I think I got my point accross of how great a person she was. 

 

Some of my cousins were surprised when they introduced me as reading the eulogy.  They said, "Yvette?  NO!  She is the shy one."   Law said it is because they remember me as being a kid.  They forget I have grown up and become an adult who gained a world of confidence that I NEVER had.  I got to know some of my older cousins (these are cousins from my mom's side because from my dad's we only have two and those two are like my sisters  I mean we were close - seeing everyone for birthday's, holidays and every other occasion (there really didn't have to be one) but I WAS pretty quiet around them) and it was fun.  I was the one of the youngest cousins, so we never hung out or go to know eachother much. I wish I could spend more time with them.

 

Tonight I am going to go with some friends to get pedis and hang out after.  I almost didn't go for a couple of reasons, one being because I was away from Law for so long that I thought I should spend tonight with him, but I really need this  I need to get out and get my mind of my family back home.  Staying home doesn't help because it is pretty quiet and my mind just start racing and thinking about things...

 

Plus, I don't feel so bad about going out because tomorrow Law and I are going out to celebrate our 14 year wedding anniversary (8/19/95).  I told him to roll with it and make all the arrangements.  Not sure where we are going, but I know there will be dinner and music.  Should be a nice night. 

 

 

 

 

Gosh last week was such a whirlwind!  On August 10th at 11am (9am ABQ time) I got a call that my nephew and niece had their baby, Elijah Patrick.  It was wonderful news and he is so cute.  I was sad that I wasn't able to be there to see him and hold him in person.  I figured the first time I would see him was when he had his first birthday because we usually go out only once a year in the summer.   I came to terms with it by the evening because it just is what it is and I knew there is nothing I could have done to change the situation.  IIn the end, I was able to hold him and kiss him and smell him, only the reason I was able to see him was not a good one.  Well, at almost midnight (10pm ABQ time), the phone rang and it was my sister.  She was crying and I hear I could lots of chaos going on in the background.  My first thought was that something happened to the baby or to Jeremy.  My heart was already in my stomach.  But, that was not the case.  She said to me. "Yvette...Grandma..."  I KNEW.  I knew right then and there what she was trying to tell me. I was devastated as anyone is that loses someone dear to them would be.  My mind went blank for a moment, I couldn't believe it.  I didn't want to believe it!!  I knew my grandma had been ill for some time, and you know this day would come, but that doesn't make it any easier. 

 

My grandma had been asking about the baby for months.  She wanted to see him.  She was just waiting for him to arrive.  My mom had seen her that afternoon and told her about his arrival and she was so excited.  My nephew planned to take him to see her when Ash and baby got out of the hospital, but my grandma couldn't wait that long.  She wanted to go home and home she went, with my grandpa, happy knowing that her new great-great grandson made safe into this world, happy and healthy.  So baby Elijah was born 8/10 at 8:45 am and my Grandma passed at 9:45 pm. 

 

I sat in bed wondering what the hell I was going to do because I knew I had to get down there, I just didn't know if we had the money.  I went straight to the computer and started looking up flights.  I was able to book the first available flight out on Tuesday, in the meantime, all I could do was sit and wait, worry about my dad and my nephew (my nephew was very close to her and I don't think he is a very emotionally stable person right now) and think about my grandma and all the wonderful times I shared with her and of all the time lost because I had been away for so long.  I felt a bit guilty for not being there, but began to realize that she and I had a good relationship.  We may not have been the closest (I don't let people get that close to me sometimes) but we love each other with all our hearts and we shared a lot of memories and while I wasn't there to see her the last years of her life, I still loved her, and I hope and think she knew that. 

 

My flight didn't leave until 5:20 pm on Tuesday and I arrived that night in ABQ at 11pm.  Law was able to work from home and Jess helped me out with the kids on Monday (the day I returned).  The kids have VBS and so does Ben, so luckily, Jess was able to keep them that day.

 

My time in ABQ, was sad, but happy at the same time.  While we all lost our wonderful grandma, we reminisced about all the times we spent with her.  Our family is pretty close, but there had been a few issues that came about (between cousins) and with her passing, this brought everyone closer together again.  I stayed with my parents and they were thrilled with that.  It had been some time since I stayed with them.  When we visit we usually stay with my IL's because they have space for us.  Whether my mom had space or not, I was going to stay with her.  How could I not?!  It turned out that my nephew no longer lives with them, so I had his room while I was there.  It was nice waking up every morning with my parents.  I kinda felt like a kid, or a teenager, again.  The best part was being able to see them and my nephews and nieces everyday.  One of my sister lives two houses down so her kids, with the exception of one, are always there.  One of my other sister's daughter  lives with my parents, so I saw her most often.  I was able to help them out and go and come as I pleased focusing all my attention on them.  It hasn't been that way in a long time.  How could it be?  I have kids and a husband.  When I go down there it is usually going from this place to that place seeing this family and that.  It's fun, but we don't get to spend real good quality time with everyone.  This time it was just me and them and it was the best time I have had with them in such a long time. I was being silly with them, you know, just being myself, and they missed that, too!

 

I miss them so much right now.  I miss my grandma and I am sad that her last hours were spent with strangers in a nursing home and not with her family.  Although I like to put on this brave face and pretend like I am strong, I am not.  I am not as strong as everyone thinks I am.  I hurt.  I hurt for my family and I wish more than anything that I could see them more often.  If I had the money, I would be out there once a month or once every two/three months, but we don't have the money, simple as that, and I don't see us moving back down there. 

 

I don't know, if opportunity came knocking at my door to move back there, I always say I wouldn't, because we have made a nice life for ourselves out here, but I can't be sure.  Yes, the school system is better out here and I have made some wonderful friends whom I love dearly and there are many other great things about living in VA, but my family is pretty special and so are my friends back home, and to be able to see them more often would bring much more happiness into my life. I don't know, maybe it is fresh in my mind right now and I am just mourning the loss of my grandma and need to be surrounded by the people she loved and loved her, because I have been pretty miserable these past few days.

Just before Valentine's Day Maddy informed me that her friend wants her to kiss a boy.  She tells me that this friend already kisses boys.  She said that she likes the same boy as her friend.  She told me that she wants to marry this boy but so does her friend.  She got really giddy while talking about this.  The details are a bit sketchy because it has been a while, and I meant to blog about it immediately, but it got away from me.  Today she says she doesn't want him to be her boyfriend that she just wants to marry him, but now TWO other girls want to marry him, too.  She is NOT very happy about this. 

 

Last week I noticed Maddy putting her hands in her mouth.  When I told her to stop she informed that she was just feeling her tooth because it is moving.  WHAT?!  She is NOT old enough to lose teeth!  Not in my mind, anyway!   She plays with it constantly.  She is very excited for it to come out.  I still can't believe she is already at this stage.  They get big way too fast!

We had a nice weekend.  The bulk of our day on Saturday was getting our grocery shopping done.  Two stores were hit by the four of us, Sam's and Wal Mart, and I went solo on my trip to Wegman's and Target.  Wegman's was a zoo, as it always is on weekends, but it seemed extra crazy, so I'm glad they decided to stay home.  I enjoy going with the family but it is just so peaceful (no matter how crazy the store is) going alone.  The worst part of grocery shopping, is putting it all away.  It is just like laundry - OK washing and drying, but folding and especially putting away is a PITA!  And, as much as I dislike doing it, I don't like Law to do it, at all.  He never really puts things in their correct place, so I just do it myself.  He is like that with everything.  He will go to the fridge, pull out the butter or whatever and it never returns to the exact place where he found it.  Most times the fridge is jam packed and stuff barely fits, so when it is out of place, I notice and it irritates me.

A while back Zachary earned a reward ticket for a sleepover.  He and Maddy earn tickets at the end of the week for special privileges if they perform their daily responsibilities each day, ie. respect your parents, no yelling, complaining, or whining, etc.  There was a lot of that going on for a while and this hasn't prevented them doing it all together, but at the end of the week when they don't earn a ticket, they are not happy and do better the following week.  They don't earn a reward until, for Maddy, 8 tickets are earned, and for Zachary, 14 (he has more responsibilities) tickets are earned.  So, while it is not a perfect system (what system is?  If you know, please do tell), it is working for us.  And, this is separate from their allowance, ie. making their bed each morning, having their room clean each night before bed, loading and unloading dishwasher (depending on kid), cleaning the dinner table, throwing trash, etc.  Chores earn them money.  Anyway, just wanted to briefly explain the reward ticket for those that may have been curious. 

So, he finally used it up on Saturday.  His friend Jack came over to spend the night.  The boys played some Wii, with their Webkinz and other random stuff.  We had them go up to bed a little later than usual, 9 pm.  They didn't actually fall asleep until about midnight and then they were up at 4! And not only were the boys up and about, Maddy woke up, too!  I, on the other hand, didn't get out of bed till after 7 when they woke me up to make them pancakes.  I did hear them at 5, but I was NOT about to wake up then.  I wake up early every day of the week, so I slept in!  Thankfully they are older and can entertain themselves. 

This brings us to Sunday.  I invited some friends to come over for Super Bowl.  I decided to make it potluck so I wouldn't have to do so much.  Also because it can be expensive to entertain and I like to, but my checkbook does not allow me to do this often if I am going to have to do everything on my own.  I would love to, and feel bad for asking to people to bring something, but my friends don't mind and they don't expect me (or any host) to provide everything.  They are wonderful like that. 

Super Bowl was fun.  I had a good time.  The only downside is that the teams were none I especially like.  However, I did pick a team and it wasn't the Steelers.  Now they are one up on my Boys and I am not happy about that. The game ended earlier than expected, but that is good because the kids were spent by the end.  I never considered putting them to bed while everyone was here because they simply would not have done so.  They have before when it was just adults and they arrived just after bedtime, but with other kids here, that would be asking too much.  Maddy didn't even get through her bedtime story.  Zach could barely make it up the stairs to his bed.  This morning when he woke up he looked awful.  He was complaining of a sore neck and throat.  I wasn't sure what the deal was and since he looked so awful, I kept him home.  Maddy didn't wake up till 8:30.  They are both normally up by 6:30 am, so we can all be out there door by 7: 25 am.  I think Zachary was just exhausted because he seems fine now.  He is coughing, but he has had a cough for two weeks now. 

Our neighborhood group had a Valentine's Day party planned for today and Maddy was going to have to miss out because she would have been in school. I called CB and asked if she would watch Maddy if I dropped her off and she not only watched her, she picked her up and dropped her off.  CB is the best!  Good thing I had Valentine's Day cards from last year and mini V-day M&M's, because they were exchanging them.  I bathed Maddy, signed her cards, and she was all set to go.  She was beside herself because she rarely gets to attend playgroup, anymore.  She sat by the window for 20 minutes just waiting for Ms. Chrissie to come.  I didn't go myself because I didn't think it appropriate for Zachary to go because 1.) I didn't yet know for sure if he was really sick and 2.) because if he stayed home from school, he shouldn't be able to enjoy a party.  He didn't care anyhow because he considers them all babies since he is the oldest.  He and I hung out at home, watched a movie ( I fell asleep for 20 minutes of it) and had a restful afternoon.  He and I both needed that.